Why Saying ‘No’ Used to Scare Me (And Why That Had to Change)
Because motherhood already asks for everything. Freelancing shouldn’t demand the rest.
🚫 “I Didn’t Know I Could Say No.”
For years, I thought “being nice” meant:
- Answering every email right away
- Taking “just one more” revision
- Saying yes to unpaid projects for “exposure”
- Smiling through burnout
Even after becoming a mom, I still felt guilty for drawing lines.
If anything, the pressure got worse.
I worried:
- “Will they think I’m lazy?”
- “Will I lose the client?”
- “Am I even allowed to have boundaries when I’m still building my freelance business?”
The answer?
Yes. Yes, you are.
(And actually, you must—or freelancing will quietly eat your entire life.)
🧠 The Moment Everything Shifted
My turning point wasn’t dramatic.
It happened in the middle of a Tuesday Zoom call, while my toddler was screaming in the background and a client casually said:
“Can we just hop on a quick call again tomorrow morning?”
I smiled. I nodded. I said “sure.”
But inside? I cracked.
Because I wasn’t just saying “yes” to the call.
I was saying “no” to:
- Sleep
- Breakfast with my kid
- My own sense of control
And I realized:
If I don’t protect my time, no one else will.
🔄 Boundaries ≠ Walls. Boundaries = Care.
For the longest time, I thought boundaries meant shutting people out.
Now I understand:
- Boundaries are how I stay kind without burning out.
- They’re not rejection. They’re redirection—with love.
- Good boundaries help both me and my clients win.
Especially as a mom and a freelancer, I had to unlearn people-pleasing and relearn self-respect.
✋ How This Blog Will Help You
In this 4-part series, I’ll walk you through:
- The mindset traps that keep us overgiving (especially for women & moms)
- The boundary phrases I use for clients, family, and even friends
- How I deal with pushback (and the guilt hangover that follows)
- Why clear boundaries helped me grow my business faster—not slower
And yes, I’ll give you real scripts.
Because sometimes the hardest part is knowing what to say.
🎧 If You’re Already Burnt Out
Start here:
“What would it feel like to give myself the time I give to others?”
That question cracked me open. Maybe it will for you, too.
The Mindset Shift That Made Boundaries Possible
Why people-pleasing felt safer than protecting myself—and how I slowly rewired that instinct.
🧠 “Being Liked” Was My Survival Strategy
Let’s be real:
For many of us—especially women and moms—being agreeable isn’t just a habit. It’s how we were raised.
We’re taught:
- Be helpful, not demanding
- Be available, not distant
- Be flexible, not selfish
So when someone asks:
“Can you just squeeze this in?”
Saying “yes” feels automatic.
Even if it means sacrificing our time, our sleep, our sanity.
And when we do try to say no?
We over-apologize.
We ghost.
We feel gross about it afterward.
Sound familiar?
🪨 The Guilt That Comes with Saying “No”
Here’s how guilt would show up for me:
- I’d say no to a client meeting and then compensate by overdelivering.
- I’d decline a collab and then spend two hours crafting the “perfect” polite email.
- I’d avoid responding at all—then hate myself for “ghosting.”
I wasn’t protecting my energy. I was managing my image.
But here’s the truth I had to learn the hard way:
Every time I say “yes” out of guilt, I’m saying “no” to something that matters more.
🔄 The Reframe That Changed Everything
Instead of asking:
“Will they still like me if I say no?”
I started asking:
“Can I still like myself if I say yes?”
That one shift changed how I made every decision.
Because if a request costs me my health, my creativity, or my peace—it’s not a good deal.
Even if the other person is nice.
Even if it’s a “great opportunity.”
Even if I could technically do it.
🧘♀️ Learning from My Body
Motherhood actually helped me tune in more deeply.
- My chest tightens when I want to say no, but don’t.
- I clench my jaw when I accept something I’m not excited about.
- I feel exhausted—not empowered—after overcommitting.
My body knew my boundaries before my brain did.
I just needed to start listening.
✨ The Permission Slip I Wrote Myself
I actually keep this on a sticky note above my desk:
I don’t owe anyone instant access to my time.
I’m allowed to rest without explanation.
I’m allowed to choose what aligns with my capacity.
I’m allowed to say no—even if I could do it.
Writing this wasn’t about ego.
It was about survival—and sustainability.
Especially in freelancing, where the lines between “work” and “life” blur fast,
I had to learn that setting boundaries isn’t mean.
It’s a form of care.
For me, my family, and my clients.
🔍 Sneak Peek: Next Up in This Article Series…
In the next part of this blog, I’ll share:
- ✅ My go-to boundary scripts
- 💬 How I say “no” to:
- last-minute meetings
- unpaid work
- friends who don’t respect work time
- 👂 What I say when a client pushes back
- ❤️ Why boundaries deepened some relationships instead of ruining them
Spoiler: You can be clear and kind. And yes, people can handle it.
Real-Life “No” Scripts That Worked (And What Happened Next)
Because saying no isn’t just about words—it’s about what happens after.
🚫 Scenario 1: The Last-Minute Meeting Request
Client:
“Can we hop on a call tomorrow morning? It’s a quick thing.”
Me (Before):
“Sure! What time?”
Me (Now):
“Thanks for asking! Tomorrow morning is full for me with family time. Can we schedule for Thursday afternoon instead? I want to give you my full attention.”
Result:
The client appreciated my honesty and agreed without pushback.
Setting that boundary actually made the meeting more productive.
🚫 Scenario 2: Unpaid “Exposure” Work
Client:
“We’d love if you could help with this small extra task, no budget but great exposure!”
Me (Before):
“Okay, I’ll see what I can do…”
Me (Now):
“I appreciate the opportunity, but I’m focusing my time on paid projects right now to maintain quality. Let’s discuss future paid collaborations!”
Result:
Client respected my professionalism and came back later with paid work.
🚫 Scenario 3: Friend Asking for “Quick” Help During Work Hours
Friend:
“Hey, can you check this document real quick?”
Me (Before):
“Sure, send it over.”
Me (Now):
“I’m heads-down working right now and can’t review this immediately. Can I take a look after 7 pm?”
Result:
Friend thanked me and respected my time without offense.
💡 Handling Pushback
Sometimes, even when I’m polite, clients push:
“But we really need it sooner.”
I’ve learned to respond calmly:
“I understand the urgency, and I want to help. However, keeping my schedule balanced ensures I deliver my best work. I’ll get it done by [agreed deadline].”
Most times, they accept this because it’s clear and respectful.
🌱 What I Learned
- Saying no didn’t lose me clients or friends.
- Being clear actually increased respect and trust.
- I felt more confident and less drained.
- Boundaries created space for better work and better mom time.
How Boundaries Saved My Work—and My Sanity
Why protecting my time wasn’t selfish—it was essential.
💪 Boundaries Gave Me Back Control
Before I learned to say no confidently, my days felt like a constant scramble.
- I was exhausted.
- My work quality slipped.
- I felt guilty—both as a mom and as a freelancer.
Now?
- I control my schedule.
- I choose projects that excite me.
- I show up fully—for my clients and my family.
Boundaries didn’t close doors; they opened the right ones.
🌈 Boundaries = Self-Respect + Respect for Others
Setting limits has taught me to:
- Respect my own energy and needs.
- Communicate clearly and kindly.
- Build trust with clients who value my professionalism.
- Avoid burnout and overwhelm.
It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it.
🫶 To You, The Reader
If you’re juggling freelancing and motherhood, and feel torn between pleasing everyone and protecting yourself:
Remember, you deserve:
- Time to breathe.
- The power to say no without guilt.
- Work that respects your limits.
- A life where you come first sometimes.
Start small. Use scripts. Practice. And know:
You’re not alone in this.
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